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The Cincinnati Public School System canceled school on Super Bowl Monday | This is the loop

For years, this country has been whining. Like in general. Of all. It’s relentless complaints every second from every person, and one of the things we complained about, especially in peacetime, was Super Bowl Monday. Nobody likes that. Everyone hates him. In fact, it’s one of the only things over 70% of this country can agree on. “Why don’t we just make it a vacation?” we asked over and over again, and over and over again we received no response. Presidents Day is sitting right there. Can’t we just increase that? Do you think these dead old guys will be crazy? Go on.

Finally, however, there was movement – a millimeter shift of the glacier, a deep underwater rumble – and it was all thanks to the Cincinnati Bengals…

It’s the Cincinnati Public School System announcing that there will be no school on Monday, February 14, 2022 in anticipation of the Bengals’ first-ever Super Bowl win (and/or loss). It doesn’t matter if the children have already spent much of the past two years learning at home. It doesn’t matter if the Cincinnati parents’ employers aren’t so generous. It doesn’t matter if you have already bought Valtentine chocolates for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Do they sound like the kind of people who care about your little brat’s upbringing?

So now we have to ask ourselves: is this an aberration or the first domino to fall in the battle for the Super Bowl on Monday? A decade from now, will we be sitting at home in front of our Joey B shrines, nursing a guacamole hangover, solemnly reflecting on his sacrifices for humanity? TBD, but sure as hell beats history class.

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